Thank you so much!! I’m so happy and kind of surprised this resonated with ANYONE, expected jo one to read this LMAO and yes, Urdu is a language in its own might <3
Zoha, this touched something so tender in me. I lost my Nani Jaan not long ago, and reading your memories felt like sitting beside mine again — listening to her stories, dodging her questions, laughing at her sass. The way you write about love, mischief, and the quiet ache of watching someone slowly drift away… it’s so gentle, and so deeply felt. Thank you for reminding me of all the little moments I now hold even closer. What a beautiful way to remember someone while they’re still here. Your tender honesty is such a gift. 🩶
Zoha, thank you for this! i was waiting to get some time in my day to read this from you and i'm so glad that i did.
“'Beta ye samajh jao ke waqt hee toh hai hamarai pas, aur baatein bhee. Na jism aab sunta hai dil ke, na jorain hamaray dimaag ke. Aap hee sun liya karo. Sab ka waqt aata hai, waqt toh guzaar na hee hai, jinka kam rehta hai un ke liye thora apna nikal ke guzarwado.'”
Urdu really is a beautiful language; i wish i had been taught to be completely fluent in it. but even the translation you provided is so poetic and profound. your Nano is such a gift.
"When she left, you proceeded to clarify in your own words, 'Mai jaanti hou isse, mujhe bas ye pasaand nahi. Koi bees saal pehlai isne mera donga liya tha, abhi tak wapis nahi kiya. Bach ke rehna iss se.'"
this was so delightful to read, i can tell she has a mischievous sense of humor for sure.
"You’re the only grandparent I ever got to meet, the only one who stayed because I was worth giving that form of love to. Sometimes my mind strays and thinks ‘The rest were selfish with their demise, she knew not to be.” It is not true, but the brain is the freest organ of the body. Despite its cage, it still dares to function."
just beautiful, gorgeous writing. this entire post reads like a love letter, but this paragraph especially tugged at my heart.
so many other memorable quotes from this that i could mention! thank you for being so vulnerable. i do not find this underwhelming in the slightest, so please continue to write like this more often if you are compelled to. in fact, this is so raw i feel it like it's my own skin being scraped. i mean that in the best way possible.
as for your question— i have two living grandmothers. my Pakistani grandmother, my Dadi, is the one i am less close to. she resides in Pakistan (Lahore) while i have grown up in the US. i visited her with my father a couple of times while i was quite small, but unfortunately my father was no longer allowed back into Pakistan (long story having to do with my mother’s Indian heritage) shortly after i turned six or seven. my Dadi has traveled to the US once, but her severe anxiety about airplanes has kept her from visiting any more often.
all i have now are shaky Whatsapp video calls where we can barely maintain a coherent conversation. it is a fact that has deeply troubled me as i’ve gotten older and have realized how much more fragile her mortality is than mine. i keep saying that i will one day become fully fluent in Urdu, but truthfully i haven’t made much progress. your post struck a deep, repressed chord within me. your words have knocked into me the urgency the circumstances of our relationship call for.
thank you for putting so much of yourself into this. reading this seems like a sign for me to put more effort and courage into strengthening and preserving a relationship with my Dadi. wonderful work as always <3
Thank you so much for such an insightful response Sofi! I lived abroad for quite some time and I travel often, nor do I live with my grandmother either, so I do sort of understand your sentiments too. I hope your dadi lives to see all your accomplishments and that your relationship flourishes even further <3
oh my god. this is so beautifully written. coming from someone who's own grandmother has/had dementia, it's so unnerving and just plain sad to see someone you love slip away, into a past version of themselves, or caught between versions. it's almost as painful as losing them to death. this piece really resonated with me and your grandmother sounds like a remarkable person indeed. love and prayers to u both <3
It is indeed painful but sometimes I think it’s beautiful to know she remembers so much of her life even when she’s not meant to, it slips that she still loves her deceased son, that she still misses me as a baby, she still feels pride over her achievements etc. thank you so much <3
This one felt like a fist in my throat. I lost both my grandparents, but I never knew them well. I remember scraps of them - my grandmother's insatiable love for sweets and my grandpa's self-satisfied smile when he taught me a paper trick I knew, but pretended I didn't. I wish I'd made more efforts. May Allah grant you and your nani the best, lovely.
i dont know if any external thoughts can do this one justice! but i just wanted to say this one definitely pulled the heartstrings a bit too hard. beautifully written Allahuma Barik.
awww sis this is about you! don’t mention my work here hehe, although i am super grateful thank you and i look forward to reading more of yours inshaAllah 🩵🩵
i cried so bitterly at this. every fear you hold with your nano, i hold with my mother. she's far, far from 100 and we both have a long way to go inshallah, but terror grips me everytime something new aches in her body or every time she says “agar main tab tak hui toh” with regards to any aspect of my future. even imagining “it” in the slightest possibility makes me cry till I have migraines. so selfishly enough, i hope, i pray, i beg that she outlives because if not, i don't know how i would cope. this was so brilliantly written, i won't be able to get it across in words, hit me right in the gut. may god give your nano and you more abundant times together <3
I hope your mother lives a very long life ahead and that you get to spend as much of it as possible with her, parents and grandparents both are the limbo between the immortality of love and the mortality of flesh, it’s hard for everyone to digest. I’m sure she knows you love her so so much 🫶🏽🫶🏽
I enjoyed what I read about your grandmother and your close relationship with her. Praying that if the angels on the shoulder do try to make their retirement known, I hope it will be a smooth and gentle sailings. InshaAllah & ‘Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed, to Him we will return’ 💓
Reading this made me think of my grandparents. My dada was mad at my dad for getting him a cane too. He still refuses to use it. He refuses to wear his hearing aid and it makes the rest of us speak very loudly so he could hear. Everything you say, you need the patience to repeat it a few times till he can finally hear you.
He got himself artificial teeth (not sure what it’s called) but refuses to wear them because it makes him uncomfortable. Everything he likes to eat has to be served in form he can eat with a mouth empty of teeth.
When he had a minor stroke a while back, he felt so vulnerable and frail. He prays that may Allah protect him from a life of dependency. And Allah knows his sincere intentions and had protected him alhamdullilah.
The only person he loves to be dependent on is my Dadi. She’s the one always telling her not to do things. “Aap ye math khao, aapku acidity hoti” “dada baba ku ye math do, raat bhar satatey phir”.
My Dadi is the one who can correct him and make a joke about his antics and he’d laugh at it too. But I still find it funny how my Dadi refuses to call my Dada by his name.
May Allah preserve them ya Rab. I’m very grateful to Allah that I grew up living with them. It shows you a different kind of love, appreciation and sacrifice that exists in an older age.
May Allah give strength to your nano and preserve her in better health ya Rab.
Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful vulnerability may both your grandparents live long and healthy lives Inshallah.
Nano Jaan calls me laado raani and zohu mohu as nicknames, she also had to get new teeth but her’s are permanent. It made her so happy because she can eat what she likes now. I think at that age the little things matter so much more. You don’t take into account how grateful to be for the strength of your teeth, but she did.
The love your grandparents have sounds beautiful subhanallah, my grandfather died a couple years before I was born. My father lost his parents way before even getting married may they all rest in peace inshallah.
My nana was an esteemed lawyer who always refused the position to be a judge in the high court and Supreme Court because of his integrity, he never wanted to feed into a system he didn’t believe was ethical. His clothes were always pressed, he was a clean freak, apparently even on his death bed he choose to sit up straight and dress well, he got awarded for it once too in a local competition lol I don’t know the details.
I’m sorry to hear you couldn’t meet any other grandparents of yours. May Allah give them a high rank in Jannah ya Rab. Your nana sounds like a very principled man. May Allah accept him ya Rab.
Sitting up straight and well dressed on deathbed is impressive I guess. Wanting to meet your Rab well dressed.
I have memories of my nana wearing white ironed kurta payjama (which you guys call shalwar khameez I guess). Always had a Miswak and a pen in his pocket. Allah yarhamhu. I rarely met him when we was alive because he lived in another town. He linger farming so he never moved to the city with the rest of the family.
this was so damn beautiful. and yes, english could never encompass what urdu does with each verse, and each word. i so agree.
Thank you so much!! I’m so happy and kind of surprised this resonated with ANYONE, expected jo one to read this LMAO and yes, Urdu is a language in its own might <3
i cried a bit while reading this 😭it’s so wonderfully sad
Thank you!!
Zoha, this touched something so tender in me. I lost my Nani Jaan not long ago, and reading your memories felt like sitting beside mine again — listening to her stories, dodging her questions, laughing at her sass. The way you write about love, mischief, and the quiet ache of watching someone slowly drift away… it’s so gentle, and so deeply felt. Thank you for reminding me of all the little moments I now hold even closer. What a beautiful way to remember someone while they’re still here. Your tender honesty is such a gift. 🩶
Thank you so much! Hope you and your loved ones are at peace now, grandparents truly are a blessing ❤️
This is so beautiful and heartwarming 💖
Thank you!
this is so so beautiful and heart wrenching, i face the exact same thoughts daily about my dadi❤️🩹
Thank you! I wish her good health 🫶🏽🫶🏽
this hit so hard as someone who has a dadi in this very stage of life💔
Sending love <3
was reading this on the bus, i loved it.
I’m so happy to hear!
ugh this is beautiful.
Thank you my love<3
Zoha, thank you for this! i was waiting to get some time in my day to read this from you and i'm so glad that i did.
“'Beta ye samajh jao ke waqt hee toh hai hamarai pas, aur baatein bhee. Na jism aab sunta hai dil ke, na jorain hamaray dimaag ke. Aap hee sun liya karo. Sab ka waqt aata hai, waqt toh guzaar na hee hai, jinka kam rehta hai un ke liye thora apna nikal ke guzarwado.'”
Urdu really is a beautiful language; i wish i had been taught to be completely fluent in it. but even the translation you provided is so poetic and profound. your Nano is such a gift.
"When she left, you proceeded to clarify in your own words, 'Mai jaanti hou isse, mujhe bas ye pasaand nahi. Koi bees saal pehlai isne mera donga liya tha, abhi tak wapis nahi kiya. Bach ke rehna iss se.'"
this was so delightful to read, i can tell she has a mischievous sense of humor for sure.
"You’re the only grandparent I ever got to meet, the only one who stayed because I was worth giving that form of love to. Sometimes my mind strays and thinks ‘The rest were selfish with their demise, she knew not to be.” It is not true, but the brain is the freest organ of the body. Despite its cage, it still dares to function."
just beautiful, gorgeous writing. this entire post reads like a love letter, but this paragraph especially tugged at my heart.
so many other memorable quotes from this that i could mention! thank you for being so vulnerable. i do not find this underwhelming in the slightest, so please continue to write like this more often if you are compelled to. in fact, this is so raw i feel it like it's my own skin being scraped. i mean that in the best way possible.
as for your question— i have two living grandmothers. my Pakistani grandmother, my Dadi, is the one i am less close to. she resides in Pakistan (Lahore) while i have grown up in the US. i visited her with my father a couple of times while i was quite small, but unfortunately my father was no longer allowed back into Pakistan (long story having to do with my mother’s Indian heritage) shortly after i turned six or seven. my Dadi has traveled to the US once, but her severe anxiety about airplanes has kept her from visiting any more often.
all i have now are shaky Whatsapp video calls where we can barely maintain a coherent conversation. it is a fact that has deeply troubled me as i’ve gotten older and have realized how much more fragile her mortality is than mine. i keep saying that i will one day become fully fluent in Urdu, but truthfully i haven’t made much progress. your post struck a deep, repressed chord within me. your words have knocked into me the urgency the circumstances of our relationship call for.
thank you for putting so much of yourself into this. reading this seems like a sign for me to put more effort and courage into strengthening and preserving a relationship with my Dadi. wonderful work as always <3
Thank you so much for such an insightful response Sofi! I lived abroad for quite some time and I travel often, nor do I live with my grandmother either, so I do sort of understand your sentiments too. I hope your dadi lives to see all your accomplishments and that your relationship flourishes even further <3
oh my god. this is so beautifully written. coming from someone who's own grandmother has/had dementia, it's so unnerving and just plain sad to see someone you love slip away, into a past version of themselves, or caught between versions. it's almost as painful as losing them to death. this piece really resonated with me and your grandmother sounds like a remarkable person indeed. love and prayers to u both <3
It is indeed painful but sometimes I think it’s beautiful to know she remembers so much of her life even when she’s not meant to, it slips that she still loves her deceased son, that she still misses me as a baby, she still feels pride over her achievements etc. thank you so much <3
This one felt like a fist in my throat. I lost both my grandparents, but I never knew them well. I remember scraps of them - my grandmother's insatiable love for sweets and my grandpa's self-satisfied smile when he taught me a paper trick I knew, but pretended I didn't. I wish I'd made more efforts. May Allah grant you and your nani the best, lovely.
Thank you so much my love this is so sweet🫶🏽🫶🏽
i dont know if any external thoughts can do this one justice! but i just wanted to say this one definitely pulled the heartstrings a bit too hard. beautifully written Allahuma Barik.
duas for you and your nano sis!! 🩵🩵
Allhamdullillah my love thank you, I’m so happy it resonates with you I absolutely love your work 🫶🏽🫶🏽
awww sis this is about you! don’t mention my work here hehe, although i am super grateful thank you and i look forward to reading more of yours inshaAllah 🩵🩵
i cried so bitterly at this. every fear you hold with your nano, i hold with my mother. she's far, far from 100 and we both have a long way to go inshallah, but terror grips me everytime something new aches in her body or every time she says “agar main tab tak hui toh” with regards to any aspect of my future. even imagining “it” in the slightest possibility makes me cry till I have migraines. so selfishly enough, i hope, i pray, i beg that she outlives because if not, i don't know how i would cope. this was so brilliantly written, i won't be able to get it across in words, hit me right in the gut. may god give your nano and you more abundant times together <3
I hope your mother lives a very long life ahead and that you get to spend as much of it as possible with her, parents and grandparents both are the limbo between the immortality of love and the mortality of flesh, it’s hard for everyone to digest. I’m sure she knows you love her so so much 🫶🏽🫶🏽
i just want to revel in beauty and melancholy of this piece. phenomenal work🤍
THANK YOU<33333
I enjoyed what I read about your grandmother and your close relationship with her. Praying that if the angels on the shoulder do try to make their retirement known, I hope it will be a smooth and gentle sailings. InshaAllah & ‘Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed, to Him we will return’ 💓
Inshallah may she live a long and healthy life ahead, and when the time comes it will be, thank you for such kind words <3
Reading this made me think of my grandparents. My dada was mad at my dad for getting him a cane too. He still refuses to use it. He refuses to wear his hearing aid and it makes the rest of us speak very loudly so he could hear. Everything you say, you need the patience to repeat it a few times till he can finally hear you.
He got himself artificial teeth (not sure what it’s called) but refuses to wear them because it makes him uncomfortable. Everything he likes to eat has to be served in form he can eat with a mouth empty of teeth.
When he had a minor stroke a while back, he felt so vulnerable and frail. He prays that may Allah protect him from a life of dependency. And Allah knows his sincere intentions and had protected him alhamdullilah.
The only person he loves to be dependent on is my Dadi. She’s the one always telling her not to do things. “Aap ye math khao, aapku acidity hoti” “dada baba ku ye math do, raat bhar satatey phir”.
My Dadi is the one who can correct him and make a joke about his antics and he’d laugh at it too. But I still find it funny how my Dadi refuses to call my Dada by his name.
May Allah preserve them ya Rab. I’m very grateful to Allah that I grew up living with them. It shows you a different kind of love, appreciation and sacrifice that exists in an older age.
May Allah give strength to your nano and preserve her in better health ya Rab.
Thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful vulnerability may both your grandparents live long and healthy lives Inshallah.
Nano Jaan calls me laado raani and zohu mohu as nicknames, she also had to get new teeth but her’s are permanent. It made her so happy because she can eat what she likes now. I think at that age the little things matter so much more. You don’t take into account how grateful to be for the strength of your teeth, but she did.
The love your grandparents have sounds beautiful subhanallah, my grandfather died a couple years before I was born. My father lost his parents way before even getting married may they all rest in peace inshallah.
My nana was an esteemed lawyer who always refused the position to be a judge in the high court and Supreme Court because of his integrity, he never wanted to feed into a system he didn’t believe was ethical. His clothes were always pressed, he was a clean freak, apparently even on his death bed he choose to sit up straight and dress well, he got awarded for it once too in a local competition lol I don’t know the details.
I’m sorry to hear you couldn’t meet any other grandparents of yours. May Allah give them a high rank in Jannah ya Rab. Your nana sounds like a very principled man. May Allah accept him ya Rab.
Sitting up straight and well dressed on deathbed is impressive I guess. Wanting to meet your Rab well dressed.
I have memories of my nana wearing white ironed kurta payjama (which you guys call shalwar khameez I guess). Always had a Miswak and a pen in his pocket. Allah yarhamhu. I rarely met him when we was alive because he lived in another town. He linger farming so he never moved to the city with the rest of the family.